85th Academy Awards: Part 2 of 2

The 85th Academy Awards aired on February 24th. For the third year in a row, I helped host an Oscars party at my Mom's home. Guests included my Mom, my Aunt, my cousin, my Mom's BFF, my boyfriend, and my two youngest brothers (who felt comfortable sticking around this year for the first time only because my boyfriend "manned it up" for them). Good times were had by all! Don't let any of them tell you otherwise.

***Edited to add: It has been brought to my attention (by a reliable source ) that my Dad was also present for the majority of the party. I only recall him lurking about at the beginning of the festivities, and sitting behind us on a bench (as he often does), but it seems my memory may be inaccurate. Sorry, Dad!***

We were so busy preparing and photographing the food that we missed most of the Red Carpet, but I was still able to spot which ones I liked/disliked. (I was disappointed by the gowns this year. None of them blew me away!) Here are my picks:

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Let's talk about the highs and lows of the Awards show!

• Seth MacFarlane hosted. I thought he did an outstanding job! Everyone at our party enjoyed his humor and the skits used in his presentation. We were lol'ing quite frequently! I have heard a lot of people complain about him as a host, but I think the vast majority of these people were anti-Seth before he even got a chance to prove himself. His humor can be very crude, and I understand why a lot of people are offended by Family Guy and other Seth MacFarlane projects, but I thought he kept the Oscars extremely tame and appropriate for that crowd. He also wasn't nearly as mean towards celebrities as I expected.
• I loved the sock puppet version of Flight. If you haven't seen the film yet, you don't really need to after seeing that skit. It was pretty dead-on.

• I thought the skit with Sally Field was cute and funny. I love when celebrities don't take themselves and their work too seriously! (Unlike Mr. Tommy Lee No-Fun Jones.) 

(Straight-faced Tommy Lee Jones at the Golden Globes when presenters were lightheartedly poking fun at his co-star, Meryl Streep.)

Here's a shortened (and crappy camcorder) version of the skit with Sally Field:

• I loved this bit about Danny D/L preparing for the role of Lincoln:

• The musical number "We Saw Your Boobs" was hilarious. I'm so annoyed when I see/hear people freak out about stuff like this. (Many feminist groups were in an uproar about this being misogynistic.) It was done in a lighthearted and fun way. I have boobs, and I wasn't offended. (And Kate Winslet really does expose hers in pretty much every film she's in.)

• My brother's oldest son (who just turned 5) was getting ready for bed when the Oscars started. He happened to hear some of the musical number, which led to him asking, "What's boobs?" That was, hands down, my favorite line of the night. Nay - my favorite line of the entire month.
• The cast from Les Misérables performed a medley from the film, which was a beautiful highlight of the night. Les Misérables is such a timeless, powerful and universally loved musical, and it looked like every actor had a strong emotional tie to it. (Including the actors in the audience.)

• Jennifer Lawrence tripped over her obnoxious dress while attempting to receive her award. I know I already mentioned this above, but I wanted to point it out again. Because people falling down is pretty freaking hilarious.

• I LOVED how they played the Jaws theme music when acceptance speeches went on too long, and that they cut off the microphones completely. It was trés entertaining!
• This year's awards were the most unpredictable I have ever experienced, which made it fun for us viewers! It's kind of boring when one film sweeps all the awards. Many of my predictions were off. (I only guessed 11 correct.) Luckily for me, the awards that I was most passionate about (Best Actor, Supporting Actor, and Supporting Actress) were in tune with how the Academy voted.

• My biggest complaint is that they decided to have musical performances from Chicago and Dreamgirls. (Were there any others? That's all I'm recalling right now, but I may have fallen asleep out of boredom.) These numbers were pointless and dull. I would have much rather seen all of this year's nominees perform their songs, like they've done in past shows. I'd be pissed if I had been nominated and didn't get to perform! For most of these performers it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that they have clearly earned, so why not give them their time to shine?!
• I love the song for Skyfall, so much that I voted for it to win, but Adele's performance during the awards was lacking. 

Image Courtesy: Reuters

• I didn't love the musical numbers (singing and dancing) in the beginning of the show. (I can't recall which songs they were, but they were old.) I think Seth has an amazing voice, but I would have rather heard more of his original songs about celebrities, or I wish they had used that time for other skits. 
• Les Misérables won for Best Makeup. Let me rephrase that: Les Misérables won for Best Makeup over The Hobbit. This is craziness!! The Hobbit required HOURS of intense makeup that created believable fantasy characters. Les Misérables? They only required varying levels of dirt. Each actor literally could have accomplished the same look by grabbing a fistful of dirt and rubbing it all over his/her face. It makes no sense!

WTF?!?

• The Hobbit didn't win any awards. Sure, I fell asleep watching it...but I can still appreciate the hard work that was put into the visual effects, the production design and the hair/makeup. (As long as you don't make me sit through the entire thing.) I was genuinely shocked when they walked away with no awards.
• Naomi Watts didn't win Best Actress. Bummer.

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We used some fun (and free!) printable Oscar Ballots and Oscar Bingo cards that are designed and made available annually by the lovely Jessica Jones. Check out her inspiring design blog, HowAboutOrange.blogspot.com. (She also designs some of my most favorite fabric prints!) It's so kind of her to provide these party games every year. It sure saves me a lot of time!

Images Courtesy of Jessica Jones @ HowAboutOrange

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Now for the moment you've all 

some of you have been waiting for...

This tradition started two years / Oscar shows ago. Each year when the nominee list comes out, we (we = our party participants) focus our attention on the titles of the Best Picture nominees. Then we try to figure out how to create food-related puns from these titles. Click HERE for the menu I posted from 2 years ago. (I never got around to posting last year's menu  - ahem - slacker! - which I totally regret, so I might still post them after this.)

This year we had a difficult time with the titles at first. None of us were very inspired by them. But I'm pleased with how our menu eventually came together. It was a group effort, for sure!

Beets of the Southern Wild = Beasts of the Southern Wild
This dish consisted of roasted beets, bacon, red onion, and balsamic vinegar. It looked beautiful! I learned that I can't tolerate the taste of beets (roughly translated: I spat out my forkful as quickly as it went in), but my Mom's BFF deemed it the best beet recipe she had ever tasted. So please take HER word for it.

Coke Zero Dark Thirty = Zero Dark Thirty
We made these with a dark chocolate brownie mix and used Coke Zero in place of the oil and eggs. (This is an old Weight Watchers trick, except they usually use diet Sprite.) And I cut them into 30 squares.
They looked terrible (hence the abundance of powdered sugar) and they tasted even worse than they looked.  

AND

Crabby Snacks & Homemades = Silver Linings Playbook
Okay, so this one isn't a pun. We decided to go with something directly from the film instead. Crabby Snacks and Homemades are mentioned a few times during the movie (falsely purported to be a Philadelphia thing). We didn't like the original recipes for these dishes, so my cousin and Aunt came up with their own tasty versions! Their Crabby Snacks consisted of crab, cream cheese, and Velveeta on sliced french bread. Their Homemades were pepperoni pizza pockets made with Pillsbury Grands bisquits.
(Note the cute clapboard in the forefront of the photo of the Homemades. My Mom bought these frame keychains from Oriental Trading Company as a way of marking each dish. Clever lady!)

Argo Fudge Yourself = Argo
Before you get offended, watch the film...Then get terribly offended all you want.
This delicious fudge (flavors included peanut butter, chocolate and vanilla) was provided by my Mom from her place of work, Ashers.

AbraHAM Lincoln Logs = Lincoln
Yes, it's a bit of a stretch, but Lincoln was a difficult title to work with! Most importantly, these things were delicious! They were made of Pillsbury crescent rolls, Trader Joes' dijon mustard, asparagus spears, and Boars Head sliced ham.

Dmango Unchanged = Django Unchained

The "D" is silent.

(This one is pretty self-explanatory.)

Life of Pie = Life of Pi
Easiest title of the year to work with, by far! My cousin made a Tiger Pie, which is chocolate custard and peanut butter custard swirled (like tiger stripes) on the inside, with a topping of meringue. 

Pigeons in a Blanket = Amour
This will only make sense when you see the film. Mostly we wanted an excuse to serve pigs-in-a-blanket. (They have made the menu every year so far!) I am a hotdog snob, so I insisted on the Hebrew National brand of mini pigs-in-a-blanket (found in your grocer's freezer aisle), and my Mom kindly obliged. They were scrumtrilescent! 

Hitchcocktails = Hitchcock
My bf, whom we will call Mr. E, concocted 3 signature cocktails for the party. The first beverage on the left is blood orange juice mixed with pomegranate-flavored seltzer, completed with a rock candy stirring stick. (I bought the rock candy sticks from Trader Joe's back in December with the Oscar party in mind!) The short drink in the front is Coke Zero Dark ThirSty (aka: Coke Zero with a sword of maraschino cherries.) Finally, the tall guy in the back was a concoction of seltzer, grenadine and a sword of maraschino cherries. They were all quite delightful, but my personal favorite was the one with blood orange juice!

Ted Grahams = Ted
My clever Mom struck gold again with this one! No, Ted was not nominated for Best Picture (not by a LONG shot!), but this idea was too good to pass up.

Hush Puppy's Stew = Beasts of the Southern Wild
This was a bonus dish. In the film, Hush Puppy (the little girl / main character / Quvenzhane Wallis) dumps a can of wet cat food into the bottom of a deep pot, adds some kind of brown gravy or sauce, and leaves it on the lit stove until it catches fire.
Our version is my Mom's yummy buffalo chicken dip (canned white meat chicken, cream cheese, shredded cheese, buffalo sauce, and other yummy stuff) mixed with brown food coloring to make it extra cat food-y, then plopped into the bottom of a deep pot. It was served with crunchy pita chips, and it tasted much better than cat food...or so I assume. I'm only familiar with the taste of dry cat food. (Stop judging me. I was young and I thought it was a bowl of Cracklin' Oat Bran. On the floor. In the basement. Next to the litter box.)

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And that concludes this year's Oscars obsession!! 

I'm already excited for next year's festivities, but I'm going to enjoy the long break in depressing-movie-watching. Bring on brainless low-brow comedies!

85th Academy Awards: Part 1 of 2

(Picture borrowed from Oscars.org)

Hey! Guess what I've been up to since January 10th? If you guessed that I was obsessing over the Oscar nominees, you're correct! If you guessed something else, you're so freaking dumb! (Just kidding. I love you, you dummy.) This post will cover all of the pre-Awards Show stuff.


This year was the closest I've come to seeing 100% of the nominees! The only films I did NOT see were:

• 4 of the Foreign films (I knew Amour would win, which I watched, so I didn't bother with the others. Who wants to read that many subtitles in a 1.5 month time period? Not this girl!)
• The Gatekeepers (A documentary that is impossible to get a hold of. Also, I'm disappointed that it's not related to Ghostbusters...)
• Admittedly, I didn't make it all the way through The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. My version was more like:

• I saw the entire collection of Live Action Shorts (thanks to iTunes for having them available for sale before the awards!), but I did not get to see the Animated Shorts or Documentary Shorts (no thanks to iTunes for not having them available.) I regret not seeing all the shorts in the theater like I did last year, so I will definitely be doing that again next year!
• Lastly, I did not see the documentary Chasing Ice. It was only nominated for Best Original Song, which I was able to listen to on YouTube. (I saved myself 2 hours of literally watching ice melt. Or freeze. I really don't know, I didn't see it.)

I watched 32 full-length feature films, 8 of which I had seen before the nominees were announced (on January 10th). Here are some highs / lows of this Oscar season, according to me: 

Highs of This Oscar Season:

• Anne Hathaway's performance in Les Misérables. When I heard that she was going to play Fantine in the film, I was skeptical about that casting choice. But I ended up being completely blown away by her performance. (Blown away = crying like a baby in the theater.)

• Les Misérables, in general. It was one of my favorite nominees. I have loved that musical for MANY years (and was lucky enough to see it on Broadway several times before it closed), so I was nervous when I heard they were making the first ever musical film version. They did a perfect job, in my opinion. The way they recorded the singing live is what made it so amazing and emotional. (See more about that here.)
• Christoph Waltz. It was refreshing to be able to both appreciate his tremendous performance AND to genuinely like his character. Before Django Unchained I had only seen Christoph play evil characters (in Inglourious Basterds and Water for Elephants), and while he was incredible at portraying those characters, he was too convincingly evil to be liked. In Django Unchained he was still a badass, but he was on the good side of badassery. (Yes, that's a word now.)

• Django Unchained, in general. In the past I could not stomach Quentin Tarantino films. They're so violent and gory and just too intense for me. Inglourious Basterds was a game-changer. I unexpectedly LOVED that film. It was difficult to watch certain scenes (hello, scalping), but overall I thought it was amazing. That made me a lot more open-minded, and even excited to see Django Unchained. I didn't think Django was as impressive as IB, but I still thought it was excellent. Well, mostly. The majority of the film was so good and interesting, and then there was a point towards the end (no spoilers here!) where I thought it took a sloppy turn and became unhinged. Also, there are 2 scenes that are exceptionally violent. (The film is full of typical Tarantino violence, but these 2 scenes were impossible for me to watch.) Still, I think it was my favorite of the Best Picture nominees.
• The film The Impossible was only nominated for Best Actress (Naomi Watts). I think this is a travesty. This was my absolute favorite film involved in this season of the Oscars. The film is based on an incredible true story, and it was perfectly executed. I'm glad Naomi was nominated, but that film should have received much more attention than it did. It deserved a Best Picture nomination, without a doubt, and I think the oldest son in the film (played by young actor,  Tom Holland) deserved a Best Supporting Actor nomination. His performance was even more impressive than Naomi's. Seriously, you need to see this film! If you have kids, you will bawl your eyes out. If you don't have kids, but you do have a heart, you will at least tear up. If you don't get choked up at all watching this film, you ain't nothin' but a cold-hearted b.

• Another film I really enjoyed this season was The Sessions. If you're easily offended by scenes of a sexual nature, this one is not for you! In the words of my beloved late Grandmother, "I'm no prude", so it didn't bother me. Fact: sex surrogates exist in real life. Really, I didn't know that was a thing until this movie came out. Opinion: it's a terrible shame that John Hawkes was not nominated for Best Actor for his astonishing portrayal of a man crippled as a result of Polio. He deserved the nomination much more than Denzel Washington did. My favorite thing associated with this film: when my Mom declared, "I would not want to jump his bones." (Moms say the darnedest things, eh?)

• My favorite Live Action Short was called Curfew. I must say that all of the Live Action Shorts were pretty depressing this year, but this one at least ended happily. And most importantly, it had a super cute spontaneous dance sequence wedged between intense dramatic scenes. I've watched that part repeatedly!
• I only saw two of the Animated Short nominees, so I can't fairly judge whether or not Paperman was the best, but I sure did love it! (It was the short that came on before Wreck-It Ralph in theaters.) It's very sweet and romantic and looks beautiful. I love the vintage Disney style with a modern twist.

• Speaking of Wreck-It Ralph, that was my favorite of the Animated Feature nominees. I enjoyed Brave, and I thought it looked gorgeous, but the story was too simplistic. Wreck-It Ralph was clever and unpredictable. (Well, the outcome was somewhat predictable, but it took a lot of unexpected twists and turns before getting to the happy ending. That's what she said.)
• There are two full-length Documentary nominees streaming on Netflix that I strongly recommend, which are "5 Broken Cameras" and "The Invisible War". Both are very eye-opening and have important messages for everyone!

Lows of This Oscar Season

• Russell Crowe. If you saw Les Misérables then I don't even have to explain. His performance was completely lackluster. I can't comprehend why he was given that role. Like, at all. It's not that he has a terrible voice, there was just no emotion in anything he sang. It was like a high school student performing the part of Javert...when he wanted a different role....and he was trying to sabotage his cast in revenge. In the Broadway show, you feel for Javert. You hate him, but you also kind of understand his side of things. And when he dies, you feel relief, or possibly even a hint of pity. But with Russell Crowe, I just did. not. care. There are literally hundreds of actors who would have done a better job. I personally think Sacha Baron-Cohen would have been great in that role. He was a prime choice for the comic-relief character Thenardier, but his singing and acting abilities are strong enough to carry a more dramatic role, such as Javert. Okay, end rant. Moral of the story: I should be a casting director for all films.

• The Master, in general. I just didn't see much of a point to it. I think there were some good performances (Philip Seymour Hoffman, perticularly), but I didn't care about anything that happened in the film. It was just...blah. (I felt this way about Beasts of the Southern Wild, as well. I would have turned both of these movies off halfway through under normal circumstances.) And I really dislike that Amy Adams was nominated for her part in The Master. Apparently you can get nominated for an Oscar just by doing your basic job as an actor, as proven this year by Amy Adams, Alan Arkin, and Sally Field. (There, I said it.)

• Speaking of misdirected nominations, let's discuss Helen Hunt for a moment. I think she did a great job of being naked in The Sessions. She has a rocking body, especially for her age. And according to my Mom, she really took one for the team. Helen's also very good at crying, so I'll give her that. But the all-over-the-place Boston accent...holy hell! The inconsistency was distracting and obnoxious. (Prime example: the lead male character is named Mark, and she bounced between pronouncing his name "Mark", "Mack" and "Mock".)
• Speaking of distracting and obnoxious, what is up with the eyebrows on Mirror Mirror's lead actress, Lily Collins?! I was certain that there would be a big makeover scene in which they would be thinned out dramatically, but that scene never came. I was also waiting for them to crawl off her face and go back into the magical forest from whence they came, but the eyebrows remained steadfast. That entire film was obnoxious, especially Julia Roberts, who also strayed several times from her terrible accent. The one saving grace that helped me get through Mirror Mirror was the whimsical costume design. (Which is the only thing it was nominated for.) The dresses were fun and imaginative. 

• I'm personally offended that Moonrise Kingdom was not nominated for Best Cinematography. I thought every shot of that film looked purposefully and masterfully crafted. I'm a huge fan of all of Wes Anderson's production designs, so that nomination would have also been well deserved, in my opinion. Stupid Academy. 
• Prometheus, in general. This piece of ish was nominated for Best Visual Effects, and I can understand why it got that nod (hello, realistic talking head in a duffle bag), but overall it was a ridiculously pointless and terrible film. I was dreading the day when I would have to watch Lincoln (not because I thought it was going to be a bad film, but because I have the attention span of a 6 year-old, and I need at least some comedy to be adequately entertained), but Prometheus made me wish I was watching Lincoln instead. That led to this new tagline: 

That's all I've got. What were YOUR favorite and least favorite things about this season's nominees? I would love to hear your opinions!


My next post will be all about the actual night of the Oscar Awards - highs & lows, and of course our infamous Oscar party pun-filled menu!

What the Kids are Reading

I love browsing on Amazon.com. (And I am not being paid to say so.) I often browse through the children's books section looking for eye-catching illustrations. (I proudly admit that I judge every book by its cover.) Sometimes, when I'm lucky, I come across bizarre topics and titles. I would like to share some of them with you today.

***Obligatory Disclaimer: some of these topics are very sensitive. I realize that there are children out there who need books like these to help them understand their specific and unfortunate circumstances, which is very sad. Instead of focusing on that, let's just take these books at face value and have a laugh.***

I can't think of a worse title for a cook book.
Wait...no...I can. But this one is still pretty bad!

 I don't know if this book is about verbal diarrhea talking too much, or if it's about saying mean things - but I do know that it looks like he is vomiting.

First, has anyone ever denied that "firefighters go to the potty"?
Next, let's take a look at the children in the illustration.
The little blond girl looks surprised, but in a happy way.
The little black boy looks like he is stomping angrily.
The brunette looks very tense, and she won't look the firefighter in the eye.
Then there's the boy who is hugging his legs and rocking back and forth as if he has seen things.
The (bi-racial?) kid - I am unable to determine if he is too cool for the situation, or if he is desperately trying not to piss himself.
Finally, the face on the firefighter looks like he was caught by the children, and this was his effort at breaking the ice.
Also, it says that it is "A Potty Training Lift-the-Flap Story", yet something tells me that I do not want to lift the flaps in this particular story.

...Wouldn't you just say "an..."?

I want desperately to read this book. There are a lot of strange things going on (what the crap does "glups" mean?), but I need to know more about Mister Poop's journey. I am, however, disturbed by the proximity of the word "yum" to Mister Poop.

I'm sorry...but this title is super funny to me. Not the subject matter, mind you - I do have a soul. But the title is so melodramatic.

There's a sequel to this one. It's titled "My Little Brother Plays Soccer and Doesn't Know How to Knock".

Again, unfortunate subject matter. But the title and illustration are even more unfortunate!
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about the contents of this book. I imagine it goes something like this:
"My Daddy evaded his taxes."
"My Daddy knocked over a liquor store."
"My Daddy knows how to fashion a shiv from common household items."

Spoiler alert: Willy went to your mom's vagina.

Score! A play on words AND a hilarious issue to try to overcome with a book.

Take the damn dinosaur off of your lap and try again.

"Also, where are your feet, Mommy?"

This one genuinely looks like a fun read.

And the award for most shocking and offensive title goes to:
"Who Cares About Disabled People?"


Do YOU have any books like these to add to my collection? I would love to hear about them!



(Some background on the title of this post: Do you watch "The Soup" {formerly "Talk Soup"} on the E! network? Joel McHale is the best/funniest host they have ever had. One of the segments on the show is called "What the Kids are Watching", where he shows and comments on real commercials and shows aimed at children that are wildly inappropriate.)